A Strip Tease

It's hot here people.

I know... I know...

 It's summertime. 

It has always been this hot. 

Maybe so, but I haven't always been 50. 

It seems to be worse this year than ever. 

I'm thinking of moving to Siberia and becoming a stripper

 until this raging hormone thing is over. 

Since that's probably not a reasonable option,

 I have come up with a different plan instead. 

If you need me, I'll be in Siberia.  

Lovely, isn't it? 

Siberia is a rarely used bathroom in the most remote corner of the house.  Outside of family, no one even knows Siberia exists. That's because I keep the door closed so as to employ the ostrich method of decorating.

What you can't see can't hurt you.

The shower in this room has never been used. We have plenty of others around here. The commode is rarely used either,  and this lovely '80s vanity area? It  has been used for the past decade to store my attempt at an emergency food bank.

In fact, Siberia has become the vast wasteland of the home place, hiding all manner of my schtuff.


Teaching supplies in the shower;
teaching career in the toilet. 

Now folks, please don't think that I'm the one who gave this room a case of the blues. I didn't, at least not intentionally.   If you have read my Big Fat 80s Kitchen story, you might recall that we purchased this house for its size and location, even though it was covered top to bottom with '80s wallpaper. 

Blue and peach '80s wallpaper. 

Really, that was the color scheme of the entire house. 

You'll might also recall that I had done my stripping act all over this joint until I developed a severe case of sheetrockaphobia whilst stripping in the guest bathroom. (Which is not this bathroom.) 

 Sheetrockophobia: The unnatural fear that ugly '80s wallpaper

 has been superglued to bare sheet rock 

and will bring said sheet rock down with it upon removal. 

At that point, I threw up my hands, shut the door, and started pretending that the wallpaper didn't exist. The blue shower liner and towels were remnants of our first home so I just stuck them in there with the rest of the blues. In for a penny; in for a pound. 

But here's the thing:

Not only is this room the most remote corner of the house, it's also the coldest one. That's because it's the first one on the line of our monster air conditioning unit. When the door is closed, which it generally is, the room becomes a freezer. 

Are you following me here?

And so, with a little long distance encouragement from a very practical daughter, I have decided to spend the  rest of No Buy July as a Siberian Stripper.  

Which  is an upgrade from my usual role as Siberian husky. 


 And the best part about it? Stripping wallpaper didn't cost a dime.  In fact, repainting it didn't cost a dime either. I had a nearly full gallon of the yellow from my kitchen just waiting for a home.  

So here's the strip...

And here's the tease...
(The blue curtain will go. I'm just hiding something behind it.)

That's as far as I've gotten, but I have more plans for Siberia by the end of the month.
You see, I'm changing it from a Siberian wasteland
into something much more useful.

And I'm determined to do the entire thing without spending a dime.

Want to guess what it's going to be? 

By the way, just one bit of advice as I close this:
If you're searching google images for a picture to illustrate a blog post,
it's best not to type in the words
STRIP TEASE.

Don't ask me how I know...