Saturday, September 25, 2010

You're doing WHAT??

So I came home from road running yesterday afternoon, looked at my blog, and noticed something shocking. Apparently, I have somehow convinced 100 kind people to sign on as “followers” here.

And there’s something that I would like to say from my heart.


Are you crazy?


This might be a good time to share with you that here in Debbie Land, no one ever follows me.

Anywhere.

This is because I’m directionally challenged. While a student at the University of Georgia, I took a left turn where a right was supposed to be and ended up in downtown Athens at the Ramada Inn. I’ve been lost at Dollywood, lost at Epcot, and don’t even get me started about the confusion which arises every time they rearrange my Super Walmart.

Don’t bother suggesting a compass; it would be no help at all.

I never mastered cardinal directions and have no clearer knowledge of north, south, east, and west than your typical third grader. You know, up …down… side … side. When the husband starts pointing off in some random direction and calling it north, it shorts my circuits.

I still don’t know the difference between my left hand and my right hand, and to this day, I can’t say the pledge of allegiance without rubbing my index finger against my writer’s lump to ensure that I’m using the correct one.

Harmless enough, but perhaps I should remind you that these are words 
...on wheels.


If there’s anything less prudent than tagging along behind a directionally challenged blond, it would be doing so while she is talking and driving.

I’m a B- driver even when my mouth is closed. I didn’t take driver education in high school because I was afraid it would lower my GPA. Somehow, I convinced my usually careful father that he could teach me this driving thing as well as any high school teacher. Bless his heart, he tried. To his dying day, he truly believed that he had succeeded.

He recalled hours of on road instruction.
I recall father/daughter anxiety sessions where I ended up either crying or retreating to my happy place. The Duchess tried as well. In her defense, though, it’s kind of hard to teach someone to drive when you have your hands over your eyes and you’re making the sizzling sound.

After 32 years of practice, I have built enough confidence to motor about in familiar territory. The problem arises when I venture into parts unknown.  I can find the seediest side of any city. Sometimes, I find a new city entirely. The husband once told me that Roswell Road in Atlanta spanned all the way past Pittsburgh.

I made the mental note never to head down Roswell Road by myself.

The husband has a GPS for business, and sometimes, he lets me borrow it. I love our GPS and have named her Gypsy. When I turn her on, I always sing one line from Fleetwood mac’s song of the same name. In my head, I sound just like Stevie Nicks.

The only problem with Gypsy is that she is equipped with too many options. Not a problem for a normal person, but I’m also an impatient clicker. If some piece of technology is not responding quickly enough for me, I double click or find some random button to boost it along.

This is the reason that I know the word
 “Recalculating”
 in 17 languages.
If you *got* that… hello kindred soul.

If you’re waiting for a reason for this ramble, it’s this:
Sometimes, if you meander long enough, you come right back to the place where you started.

So here I am at the beginning.  And I ask again...
Are you crazy?

I’m truly appreciative of every little picture over there on that side board. It’s nice to know that I’m not talking to myself here. Just to be on the safe side, however, let’s not call you followers. Let’s just call you friends.

Thanks, friends.

36 comments:

Sherry said...

That is a great post! I am laughing so hard I am crying!! *Recalulating* LOL. We got one of those things for vacation this year and I loathed the breaking in period! In town we never went the way it suggested, knowing all the routes without stop signs etc. But on vacation it was useful. Such a funny post. Congrats on all the followers! Consider me a friend. Love the Simply Blue photo!
Sherry

Mevely317 said...

OMG, I'm sitting here LMAO -
Thanks for starting my day on such a fun note!
....Be careful out there (wink, wink!).

Just Plain Tired said...

Make that 101 now. Very amusing post. :)

gnee @ Singing With Birds said...

Your words are right on, humor, over the top, and I don't think you'll ever lead me astray! I have loved my travels down this road, laughing, crying and even learning how to make a paper bow! Congrats on 100 followers. It's been a memorable ride for me.

elizabeth said...

When we stumbled onto one another in the blogosphere I had a feeling we might be kindred spirits, and now it has been confirmed...do you lose your car in parking lots too? I do. every. single. time.
Elizabeth
http://www.justfollowingjesus.com

Grace on the Narrow Path said...

I am not sure if my last comment made it or not. So LOL. Here I go again.
YOU are a HOOT!!! Too funny my friend. Isn't it great that God has a sense of humor too? After all HE made me.
Follower and friend.
Blessings,
Bren

Francie of The Scented Cottage said...

LOL ohhh yes. I have been known to follow another car because it looked like they knew where they were going and it was sorta the right direction. I once used my Sweeties GPS and it told me to drive right thru a BIG brick building. I figures it had no more sense than I did :)) besides, if you are still in the United States, you aren't REALLY lost.
(())

Vanessa said...

That was hilarious! Perfect! I call 'em friends too but only because, like I have said before, "followers" sounds like we are in some weird cult! Which I guess technically speaking, blogging kinda is! :-) Let's just make sure we don't all go live together in a commune somewhere.
Vanessa

Happier Than a Pig in Mud said...

Congrats on 101! It's always fun to stop by to see what you're up to! Have a great weekend:@)

Denise said...

Yes dear sister, you are most definitely directionally challenged. And while I will still reluctantly ride with you when you KNOW where you're going I will happily follow any creative endeavor you embark upon. I'm proud to be considered your friend. Congrats on your first 100! Here's to many more!!

THE OLD GEEZER said...

101 before you finished writing 100! Wow! :-)

Sarah said...

What a cute post. I'm still smiling and giggling. I'm a bit directionally challenged too. LOL
Have a great weekend. Congrats on all the followers! ~ sarah

FrouFrouBritches said...

You always make me laugh! You are too funny! Don't look now, but there's 101!! I totally get the recalculating thing! HA!

Sharon Kirby said...

My dear FRIEND Debbie,

Congratulations! You are definitely deserving of a "following" - (even though I'm pretty sure that you DO talk to yourself, too!)

This post brought chuckles, giggles, and a few guffaws...you make me laugh like no one else!

What is it with guys? (OK, THAT'S a loaded question - let me get a little more specific) - "Oh, it's easy, just turn north on Main, then you'll be heading west..." Honestly, LEFT or RIGHT? (BTW, a little clue on the left and right hand thing - hold them up, palms out, and your left hand is the one that makes an "L" with your thumb and index finger!!)

Impatient clicker? Oh yeah...I usually end up making anything worse by pushing all sorts of buttons, without waiting to see if the original "clicking" actually fixed the problem. I'm not good about letting things heal by themselves either...

So, my blond buddy, I am very happy to be part of the "little faces" on the sidebar. Still waiting for my "yakker nickname" though :)

P.S. Case in point, today my blog wasn't updating on other people's blogrolls - I panicked - been "clicking" like a teenaged boy "joy-sticking" on XBox - think I solved it. I'll explain more over on my blog in my response to your comment. CLICK on over if you've got time...I know you're famous now...) xoxo

Sharon Kirby said...

P.S. Would it be OK if I emailed (stalked) you?

Kelli said...

I would follow you anywhere because I'm guaranteed to feel better!! Happy 100 followers! Smiling;)

Amy Kinser said...

Every friend you have is fortunate to be your friend. You are such a blessing to hear from. And, you always make me smile...I love to smile.

Dayle said...

I'll follow you all the way to Pittsburgh, bloggy friend. Let's go!

bj said...

Why, sister friend, I would follow you to the ends of the earth...you are waaay too cute !!

O, and I am especially blessed because all 7 of my grandgirls are PERFECT !! :))))

elizabeth said...

Hi Friend!
The scripture on my blog today was from the New Living Translation! :)
Elizabeth
http://www.justfollowingjesus.com

Lynn Richards said...

Yay for you!!!!!!!! Heck, I'd follow you anytime!! I pulled over a police car on the freeway when I was a teenager, just cause I was lost. (I was all of 20 miles from home.) Unfortunately, he was no help, so I had to pull off and find a pay phone and call my dear ol' dad.....
xoxo
lynn

Beautiful pear tree lane said...

Debbie, you are too funny!, Congratulations on this mile marker!!! You always lift my spirit when I visit, Now if I can just not be laughing out loud in church this morning while thinking about this post. lol.
When I first started reading I thought you were writing about me, and soon realized it wasn't since I don't have gypsy to guide me. Whew!!
Hugs,
Sue

Thena said...

I used those words just this week that I'm directionally challenged. And my husband would agree to say never let me and my oldest daughter go anywhere new alone. Last year we went to go to a pumpkin patch in which she thought was near Augusta. We went through Augusta until we reached the SC line. Before asking for directions and realizing we went almost 2 hours out of our way.

laurie @ bargain hunting said...

Once again, you have me laughing out loud! Sadly, you have described me perfectly! I am SO directionally challenged, and it is something my husband just does not understand. He has repeatedly said to me, "if you'll just go somewhere by yourself, you'll learn how to do it"! So, off I go, and I end up in a horrible part of some town, with sweat running down past my waist! When I stop to ask directions, I only get the first direction they give; then I have to stop to ask someone else (who always gives different directions than the ones I just got). I have loved the invention of the cell phone. I used to call someone and tell them I'm lost, but then they just gave me directions. Now, I call someone and ask if they have time to stay on the phone with me and give me directions until I get where I am going. Using this method, I do sometimes arrive at my destination. I loved your post! You are as cute as you can be! laurie

laurie @ bargain hunting said...

Sorry! I did not realize until my comment posted that I had written a post in your comment section! laurie

Leslie @ goodbye, house! HELLO, HOME! said...

You goose!
Funny, funny goose!
I love your wandering meanderings and thoughts.
They are amusing, I know I can always come read one of your posts and laugh, cry, be blessed and ponder.
This is what friends do for one another.
Love you, friend!
~me
P.S. We have George Bush's voice likeness on our Gypsy. He announces when you've arrived: "You have reached your destification."
P.P.S. I have a silver SUV, too :) (Honda)
P.P.S. "Parking fine." Again, goose!

Jennie said...

So silly! I've always been a little weirded out by the term "followers", but I happily consider myself your friend! Congrats on a fabulous milestone!

Entertaining Women said...

Okay, friend...."Recalculating...Turn left and then turn left." I have the Garmin, too. Some times it just gets lost all by itself. BUT my motto has always been...."A little side trip never hurts anyone!" Thank you for stopping by my post...I'm glad that you found your way to my blog! Drive on over any time. Cherry Kay

Ms.Daisy said...

Debbie,
You are too funny and I love following you - wherever you want to go!


~Jean

MDB said...

hahaha this is my favorite ever because it is SO true...i rarely even follow you to the kitchen...

dee dee said...

Happy 100!
Dee Dee

Manda said...

Oh goodness this was priceless... and I simply adore your heart. That is why 100 plus people love to come here.

xinex said...

LOL! You are so funny, Debbie! I am laughing so loud because I am always lost too. I can never even remember where I parked my car and I am not even a blonde. Congrats on the followers! Sorry I am late here but somehow your comment notification on my secret garden tablescape went to my spam folder....Christine

Karen said...

Debbie, first let me say thank you for dropping by Places of my Heart. I too am having problems e-mailing. It is very humbling and overwhelming responsibility knowing that people are desiring to read what I have to share. Don't know if you quite have those same feelings, but we do agree that time is flying right by us!

Leslie @ goodbye, house! HELLO, HOME! said...

Hello, turkey!

The Polka Dot Closet said...

YOu deserve 100 followers, see this is why we like blogging because no one listens to us or follows us in the real world!!

Carol

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