And I admit that it made me just a little bit grumbly.
Now, I realize that some folks out there really love Walmart. I just don’t happen to be one of them. I tend to avoid the place like the plague and venture in only when really necessary. That’s because no matter how positive my attitude when I go in, I inevitably begin to mutter before I come out…
If I let myself, I can think of dozens of little grumbles. But in the interest of brevity…and because I’m ready for bed… here are just a few of the things I was thinking on the Great Walmart Adventure today.
1. Exactly how much do they pay that person to reconfigure this place every six days just to keep us all in that state of retail confusion?
2. And when they make those changes to Perpetually Morphing Mart, is there a reason that they must do so during peak shopping hours? What ever happened to restocking shelves at night?
3. And why is the woman who is healthy enough to do the hundred acre walkabout considered too weak and frail to go an extra ten feet into the parking lot when she’s finished? This irks me. If Walmart feels the need to give preferential treatment to a subgroup of mommies, I nominate the mothers of 7th graders. They need a break.
4. Who has EVER been able to get in and out of our Walmart pharmacy in 15 minutes?
5. Why is the popcorn on the beer and wine aisle? This is odd to me. Why isn’t it on the snack aisle? And as a Baptist, am I not supposed to be eating popcorn either?
6. Why are all those great values bilingual? It’s not that I really mind it, but aren’t some items kind of self explanatory? Take this rice for example...What else could this white stuff in the transparent bag possibly be?
It needed subtitles?
7. Why did they bother to put in checkout stations number 11-20 if they are never going to open them? And how can a self check station be “closed”?
8. Did this aisle just literally get smaller? Honestly, sometimes I feel like I'm in Wonka Land.
9. Why doesn’t Walmart have little market baskets like other grocery stores? This is a big peeve of mine since I usually venture into Walmart for just a handful of things. But then I remember that this is Walmart… Therefore, I will undoubtedly end up standing in line with that armful of things. So I grab a cart, which I must now maneuver through the fun house of incredibly shrinking aisles along with the other zombies who came in for an armful and ended up with a cart.
Of course, once that cart is glued to my fingers, twenty-one random items not on my list leap magically into it, thus disqualifying me from the speed check aisle.
(Hmm. I think I just answered question # 9)
And why do I always manage to leave Walmart with the twenty- one magical leapers but without the one thing that lured me into the place to begin with?
10. Why does the person with whom I haven’t had a conversation in 15 years feel the need to hail me down and yakkity yak it up in the produce section? Are they completely oblivious to those looks we are getting from the other cart zombies? And why is it that these people have inevitably just developed pictures of their grandchildren?
And one more thing…
Why don’t I ever see those People of Walmart at my Walmart?
(By the way, If you want to inject a little mischief into the Great Walmart Adventure, whip out a shiny red Kodak and watch the people react. )